Self-improvement to get more – Part 3 of 3

In the final part of our mini-series of posts on self-improvement we look at the last eight suggestions, starting with how you become a better flirt…

Words: Jeremy Parker 30/10/2013

Self-improvement tip No. 13 (hopefully not unlucky for some)- Become a flirt

With your partner, obviously! Now then – the starting point for you becoming a great flirt with your partner is for you to become confident and self-assured and it’s going to be way easier to actually feel confident and self-assured if you are following all of the self-improvement tips that we’ve discussed so far. So if you haven’t read the two previous points yet, then you might want to go back and take a read of them before your continue with this one.

Having done that try these tips for flirting with your partner on a daily basis:

  • Act in a happy, self-possessed place, smile lots and act like you know your own self-worth. And start telling yourself that you are sexy and don’t let anyone else inform you otherwise! And no, you don’t have to tell yourself that you’re sexy out loud!
  • Keep things light and upbeat between you both, discuss stuff other than the kids, your home, your finances and your work. If you need some help on this then we’ve covered conversation topics in days 7 and 8 of our date night topic posts “date night conversations”.
  • Laugh a lot, if you aren’t funny then go watch funny stuff at your local comedy club together or find funny stuff to watch on the web or on TV. Never make jokes at your partner’s expense though.
  • Remember details about your partner’s day that perhaps she talked with you last night about, or perhaps other areas of her life that you’ve chatted about previously, then surprise her by asking questions about those things later.
  • Use physical contact with your partner, stroke and play with her hair, touch her lightly on the hand or small of the back, play with her feet under the dinner table. If you haven’t been doing this regularly before though then ensure that you start slowly with this tip, build up to more regular touch slowly but surely, otherwise she could be somewhat surprised by the fact that you’ve suddenly started touching her and she’ll wonder what on earth has happened!
  • Just standing close to your partner can be considered as flirting! Go get close (but no so close and full on that you are seriously invading personal space when it’s not wanted – just use a little common sense).
  • Give your partner your attention and your time. It’s so easy with the pace of modern life to forget those closest to us whilst we get on with all of the millions of things that need to get done, so just ensure that you take regular time off of the treadmill of life to spend time with your nearest and dearest (that’s your partner by the way).
  • Give her a casual light tap on her bum when the moment feels right.
  • Whisper in her ear that you love her.
  • Just generally smile, laugh and have fun!
  • Tell her how beautiful she is once in a while. Just ensure that you say in genuinely. And I promise that this won’t hurt you, it definitely won’t cost you anything, and it will go down very well.
  • Treat her like a lady and bring some romance into your relationship.
  • Pay her compliments; tell her how great she looks in an outfit that you like to see her wearing.
  • Flirt with her over e-mail or text during the day:
    • Put some xxx’s at the end of your text or e-mail (ie kisses). e.g. be super-flirty with your words… tell her that you…
      • ..can’t wait to see her later.
      • ..are thinking about her.
      • ..can’t wait to snuggle up with her later.
      • ..can’t wait for a hug with her later on.
      • ..can’t wait to hold her in your arms again later.

Self-improvement tip No. 14 – Moisturize part 2

Go pick up some hand moisturiser from your local store. Grabbing your partners hand with silky smooth hands rather than chapped, rough old hands will at the very least go a small way to making your partner think differently about you, and she’ll much prefer those silky soft hands on her later on that evening, than your rough hands on her fine and delicate bod. And no, it isn’t compulsory to moisturise in public and you don’t have to tell anyone that you do.

Self-improvement tip No. 15 – Look into my eyes, build the intimacy

Look into your partners eyes more often, like you did when you first started going out. Don’t do it the way the local village lunatic would do – ie with a crazed look in your eyes that has “stalker” written all over it! Instead look lovingly into her eyes when you are sat across from her at the dinner table, or simply when you are sat talking and snuggling with her. This one is part of the requirements of being a good listener (more in my series of blog posts on this here). When you are sat down with your partner having a drink, connecting, at dinner – clink your glasses together and propose a toast, say something intimate when you are clinking your glasses – use it as an opportunity to get across a nice, loving connection between you both, hold your gaze for longer than your partner might expect you to, start to build up that intimacy.

Self-improvement tip No. 16 – A style no hoper?

Still haven’t got a blooming clue about what clothes to buy to start to look a bit more appealing to your partner? Okay, here’s a crazy suggestion then… a lot of stores have a personal shopper service that might not necessarily cost you anything (other than you feeling like you have to then go and buy a load of clothes from that store of course). Book an appointment and explain to them that you want to make your partner think you are lovely again (you don’t have to use those exact words), and if the personal shopper is any good they’ll bring you a selection of styles that will suit your frame, size, personality and budget.

And if you can’t bring yourself to do this – then take your partner shopping, that way the best expert on you, ie your partner, gets to choose some stuff that she will think you’ll look good in. This is also a great opportunity for you both to spend some quality time together (assuming that you don’t take your kids of course). When you get back home, or that evening, after the children are in bed, give your partner a catwalk show. If you’ve bought some new pants flirt a little with your partner, strut up and down your catwalk just in your pants! Wiggle that bum, make her laugh.

Self-improvement tip No. 17 – Nails, the ones on your fingers, not the long, sharp metal type

If you’ve got dirty nails then go back to that health and beauty store that’s now getting quite used to your custom and part with a few pennies to get a scrubbing brush. Then get back home, find the soap and use brush and soap on your fingernails! Scrub the 20+ years worth out of dirt from them. Grubby hands will not be attractive to your partner.

And whilst we are on the subject of hands please bear with me whilst I request that you step out of your comfort zone again because I’d like to tell you please the following rules around your nails:

    1. Keep your fingernails cut short
    2. Keep them smooth
    3. And stop biting them!

Why? Because it’s in your best interest… if you are being intimate with your partner the last thing that she is going to want is a flipping great set of mini saws on the ends of your fingers. Do I need to say any more?

Self-improvement tip No. 18 – Become an old romantic

Be romantic, treat your partner the way you know that she’d like to be treated. If you need some tips on how to be more romantic

  • Try opening some doors for your partner! restaurant doors, the passenger side door of your car, etc. be a bit old fashioned about this one.
  • When your partner gets back from work, for example, switch off the TV, get off your behind and greet her, be genuinely pleased to see her, give her a cuddle and a kiss and tell her that it’s lovely to see her.
  • Pull out her chair for her, even if you are having dinner at home, just the two of you.
  • Out shopping? Then carry things for your partner – don’t make her carry the majority of the shopping bags, put the shopping into the car for her, going to a hotel together? take her bags in, or at least hand them to the porter yourself. Out clothes shopping just the two of you for the day? Then carry her bags as much as she’ll let you.
  • Make her breakfast in bed once in a while.
  • Have good table manners, don’t put your partner off by being a slob at the dinner table:
    • Eat with your mouth closed, don’t talk when you’ve got a mouthful of nosh.
    • Use the correct right knives and forks and hold them properly, like your mum and dad (or maybe your granny and grandpa!) taught you to.
    • Sit up straight, no slouching, pull your chair in.

Self-improvement tip No. 19 – Ditch the holey pants

Not holy as in religious holey, holey as in bin your pants that have got holes in. Go let the moths out of your wallet and buy some new pants! Preferably some funky and stylish ones. Pop yourself into your partners shoes, not literally though, when you are buying them, will she think “coooooorrrrrrr” at your choice or “oh”? ps – go for the ones that will make her go “coooooorrrrrrr”.

Self-improvement tip No. 20 – Make sure that your partner values you

On day 6 we looked at how important it is for you getting more of what you want to show your partner that you value her. Well, this tip uses that same word – ‘value’ – your partner needs to value you as her partner. Do I need to put that another way perhaps? How much does your partner value having you around? The theory goes that the more your partner values you outside of the bedroom the more your sexual value increases inside the bedroom. So how do you know how much your partner values you? I’d advise against asking her this sort of question, and instead to do the job yourself – sit down with a bit of paper, be honest with yourself and start the process off by making a list of things that would ensure that your partner respected you more. Then, make a list of things that you can do to make your partner value you more. Then it’s simple really – just go do them.

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