Today we move onto date night conversation – yes – that’s right, some date night conversation pointers to help you along your way.
Words: Jeremy Parker 09/10/2013
In yesterday’s post we looked at date night rules, today we move onto conversation – yes – that’s right, some date night conversation pointers to help you along your way. Why? Well, it’s simple really… during date night you’ll want to be…
- Using dinner to communicate with your partner, to have a ‘nice’ close chat and a catchup.
- Using your conversation to invoke those feelings of when you were first together, so that you can get those vital infatuation chemicals going again that you both had whizzing around your bodies when you first met.
- Avoiding those same old conversations about “how was your day dear?”, “how are the kids?”, “who’s picking Gemima up from ballet on Saturday?”, etc. etc., I’m sure you get the drift…
Now I’m sorry to put the pressure on you – but dull conversation is not a good strategy for making your partner feel fuzzy duzzy lovely romantic thoughts towards you. So instead I’m going to point you in the right direction of some good ideas for effective conversations ie effective at reminding your partner about how lucky she is to have married / committed to staying with such a great conversationalist…
So what are we trying to achieve with these tips? (ie why should you bother to keep reading?)
- Firstly you are trying to “chat up” your partner.
- With these conversation tips you are also trying to get her in the right place, to turn her on, to relax her – using words as foreplay.
- You are attempting to undertake some “sexy” conversations…
- …and getting some fun banter going between the two of you.
- You are stopping your conversations becoming mundane and boring (because mundane and boring isn’t going to have your partner thinking of fun bed based things to do with you).
- You are rekindling and bringing back earlier happy, loving, memories which should well help lustful thoughts come back up to the surface in your partner.
Let’s look first at some more general tips for good conversations…
- Try and avoid closed questions if you can, they’ll only lead to very short ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. This also makes conversation sound more like you are interrogating your partner! Aim for questions that will bring some deeper answers back, these should be the ones that bring back those important ‘feel good’ emotions.
- Instead ask open questions, ones that your partner can’t answer with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
- Just listen to her! Perhaps there’s some stuff that she wants to get off her chest. If there is then she may just want to talk the issues out at you, and being a great listener is, believe it or not, also a great way to be a brilliant conversationalist. So let her talk! Its way easier to listen than it is to talk anyway, so be grateful for it too!
- As your partner talks and answers your questions look for clues in what she is saying. All you’ve got to do is to listen really well to her! If, for example, you’ve asked your partner if she’s had a good day then let her talk the day out, listen carefully as she tells you what’s been going on in her day and you’ll pickup other things that you can ask questions about. “Oh I’m fine, it’s been a busy day, I took Johnny to the opticians at 10, and then when to visit my Mum in hospital at 11.30, and then I…” would obviously then give you the opportunity to ask ‘how her Mum was’ and ‘how Johnny’s eye test went’. Some of this stuff may be less than riveting for you, but it will allow you and your partner to continue in conversation without some horribly passion killing conversational pauses.
- If you try and keep the conversation mainly about your partner then she should, in theory, quite like it. Go for conversation topics about things that you know that she gets excited about; her passions and hobbies for example.
- With your conversation and your questions aim for making your partner feel good about herself. ie by complementing her as much as seems appropriate – but do make sure that you aren’t going totally over the top.
- With your conversations you’re expecting (and hoping) your partner to open up a bit, so give her something back by opening up a bit yourself as well. For your partners sake avoid giving her one or two word answers as well please. Opening up about passions that you are excited about will also change your tone of voice for the better, and will make your partner excited to be around you and to be listening to you.
- Having said that do try not to talk about yourself too much! It’s very possible that you find yourself very, very interesting! and your partner will doubtless find you more interesting than most, she married you after all! But talking mostly about you may get somewhat dull for her no matter how much she loves and worships you. So if you’re thinking that you’ve been wittering on about you for far too long then say something like “sorry, I’ve been talking about me for ages, tell me…” then inserting a question that you have for your partner, perhaps from what she was talking about earlier for example.
That’s more than enough to remember and think about for today, in tomorrow’s post I’ll help you structure your date night conversations with some early, mid and what I call ‘later’ conversations tips. These should all help your date night go in exactly the direction that you’re looking for.